And then the challenging behavior started. And the tantrums, oh man the tantrums. It's not that we haven't had tantrums before, but I don't really think anything could have prepared us for just how much Sylvie could learn to assert her independence and strong will. It started with just total refusal to go along with our regular everyday occurences - like sitting in a high chair, sitting in a car seat, getting dressed, getting diaper changes, putting toys away, etc. It escalated to big time TANTRUMS in public places, leaving me in tears in as I very shamefully dragged my thrashing and sobbing toddler out of a store, and Sylvie (and me and John) wading through some of her first experiences with time outs. There have even been some not so proud moments with me raising my voice and just losing my cool. And um, let's see, Sylvie has kicked me in the face this past week, hit me more times than I can count, and even ripped the chair rail molding off my mom's wall! Things have been....interesting. And like a good 21st century mom I've been hitting the mommy blogs, hitting my mom internet message boards, reading up on as much info as I could about toddler discipline and toddler behavior, in part to assure myself that my kid was totally normal and going through absolutely age appropriate and expected behavior, but also to assure myself that I was totally normal, and that every mother had the ups and downs and tears and frustration that I've had these past couple of weeks.
So tonight John and I dug into our (New! and Improved!) bag of tricks a few times and had such a smooth night, I'm just pleased as punch. We had to run to Target to return a few things, and fearing the dreaded car seat battle we thought maybe reminding Sylvie about the Santa train display would help. She's only seen them a few times, but she just adores these trains. They're cheap crappy things that are actually broken and falling apart on the store display, but she still loves them. On one of them Santa rides the train and brings the presents to all the kids skating around the tree. On the other one Santa decorates the big tree while the train goes in and out of a tunnel, filled to the brim with presents. Sylvie's face lights up when she seems them, and we spend a good 10 minutes or so just watching each one, talking about Santa and the ice skaters, the trees, the presents. So imagine my delighted surprise when just the mention of seeing the trains prompted Sylvie to run and help me find her shoes, anxiously run out to the car, and climb into the car seat totally unassisted, and the icing on the cake, ALLOW ME TO BUCKLE HER IN. Do you hear the angels singing right now as you read this? It was really that beautiful of a moment.
And behold, the magical Santa trains:
We did a very small amount of shopping and while we were waiting at the check out line Sylvie started to get fussy. She wanted some juice that John had picked out for her, and her fussing quickly became total outrage. Why? Because John actually gave her the juice. That she was demanding and whining for. I mean c'mon, what was he thinking? She'd scream and demand the juice, he'd try to give it to her, and she'd scream and try to throw the juice to the floor and hit one of us in the process. Totally logical. She then saw some goldfish crackers and started to whine for those. We were very quickly falling into the same whine-demand-refuse pattern when it dawned on me to drop a handful of crackers into her jacket pocket. And my god it worked. She thought it was the coolest thing ever, and happily dug around in her pocket fishing for crackers. Had we not been scared out of our minds at the possibility of upsetting the fine equilibrium of peace we had just established, John and I TOTALLY would have been high fiving right there in the aisle.
The best part was that she was so taken with her pocket of treats that she didn't notice the whole car seat thing, again! Yeah baby!
So we got home and knew we had one last battle ahead of us, bedtime. It's really been a doozy lately, and we've been grasping at straws over what to do. Sylvie has always been an amazing sleeper, so much so that we've never had to think about "sleep training" (one of my least favorite parenting terms) or the dreaded cry-it-out (my definite least favorite parenting ideology). But Sylvie has been putting up a real fight at bedtime lately, and bringing her into our bed has been the only peaceful solution. Which isn't a problem for me in the middle of the night if she wakes up and can't get back to sleep on her own, but is a definite problem when she won't go to sleep in the first place and needs to sleep with us in our bed. I don't want to go to sleep at 8:30 pm! And neither of us wanted to set this kind of precedent, for fear of it becoming a routine. So Syl's had a rough couple of nights, and it's been breaking our hearts.
So tonight as we were getting her ready for bed John thought that maybe we should switch up her bedtime routine. And instead of giving her a bottle in bed with us and then transferring her to the crib, he thought we should try giving her the bottle when we put her in the crib, so she would have something soothing and something that would hopefully distract her from not wanting to be left alone. We still did cuddles and snuggles in bed with the both of us, and when it came time to transfer her to the crib it worked! She went down without a peep, John and I enjoyed a quiet dinner and some bad TV, and I'm feeling just a tad bit victorious. Granted, the overall score board probably looks a little like this:
Toddler: 28,599
Parents: 1
But hey, it's something!
And a quick update.........as soon as I posted this, like literally within one minute, Sylvie woke up in her crib and started calling out to me. Looks like we'll have three in the bed tonight afterall. Nothing like a good swift reminder of who's really in charge around here....
4 comments:
Join the club! I think we've all been thru similar things, but if we don't make a big deal about it, it soon disappears. As soon as she knows she's got the upper hand, you've lost. I know...easier said than done. But, in a few weeks from now, a new thing will crop up, and this will all be in the past. As long as you know this, you'll get thru it without
too much pain. I think it's called "parenting"........the toughest job you'll ever have in your life, but the most rewarding.
I think Syl is getting her way. You should both learn how to say NO.. but make sure you explain to her why, in a nice way. Not a frustrated way. Example: you have to be in the car seat, because you are little and may fall if I stop the car suddenly. Always explain why you say NO. When it comes to shopping, all kids want this and want that. Explain to her and say: choose this or that, but we can't buy both. Mommy has no money. Kids do understand.
If you keep giving in, you will have a problem later on. Syl, has to understand that she cannot always have her own way.This will be self distructive in the long run. I know it is hard to say No to a child. Just remember this is your first child and what you are feeling is normal and what you are doing is normal.
Try not to keep Syl up late. Start a regular bedy time. Let her cry she will get tired and go to sleep. I know it is hard, but it will help both of you, in the long run. No more sleeping in the same bed unless she had a bad dream.
If you don't cut it out now, Syl will be still sleeping with you at age 7.
Be ready. the next thing will be Syl will be stomping more and more to get her way. JUST BE STRONG.
No melt...melt...melt. You will be fine. Don't spoil her.
Need more tips, call me.
Love Steppy
Kacey, I could have wrote these exact words about any of my kids! I promise you it is a stage and they move on, just as gram said. Also, the bed issue...Shelby was in my bed for quite a few years and then one night when she was about 3, she said I am going in my bed and has stayed there ever since. That is a stage that will not last, even if you continue to let her sleep with you...I do not know of any teens still sleeping with their parents :)Your doing an excellent job with her and both of you should pat yourselves on the back!!
Kac, John, I can't agree more with what your wise grandmother and cousin shara, whom we've all known for quite a number of years was born to be a mom have said before me! You cannot spoil a child with love and understanding. You two may think sometimes that what you're doing isn't right, but I can assure you, I've seen how you two relate to that lucky girl we've been blessed with. DON'T CHANGE A THING! Just keep on keeping on. If it's one thing that I've learned from being an experienced Mom (and a good one, I might add) is that everything our children do is a phase and all phases evolve into new ones. It's what makes the job of parenthood so rewarding, albeit it exhausting at times. The fact that Syl is doing everything a two-year old is SUPPOSED to do is a testament to your excellent parenting skills, that being allowing her to stretch and grow. You cannot stifle that. Who wouldn't want a child with a halo around their head 24/7? Sure it might be easier on the parent and other adults who expect too much. But a child needs to grow and learn how to deal with happy times and the not so happy times. So for the 23 hours of every day that Sylvie's glowing, say a silent prayer of thanks and for the one hour total of each day that she's hell on wheels? Well, say a silent prayer of thanks for that too. It means everything is as it should be. Syl won't realize until she has a two-year old of her own just how lucky she was to have the two of you who were wise and loving enough to let her grow and relish being independent. Love you all! Very much.
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